Thursday, January 19, 2012

Adventures in Bathrooming

I have a little tale for ya'll.  It starts outside the Winco bathroom......

I needed to use the restroom and of course when the two littles heard me say that they decided that they need to go as well.  So I got them out of the cart and started for the woman's bathroom.  Nicco wasn't having it!  He wanted to use the boys potty and about refused to go in the ladies.  I being the great mother I am dragged him into the ladies amid screams.  We get in there and of course the large stall wasn't available.  As a matter of fact it was taped off with red caution tape.  Which is a little disconcerting.  Was someone murdered in there or what?!  The other two were in use so we had to wait a minute.  Nicco decided to brave the caution taped stall and ran in pretty much 3.2 seconds after I told him to not go in.  However, as luck would have it whatever was behind that tape scared the pudding out of him and he shrieked and ran out.  Which saved me from having to go in and find a bloody corpse.  At the same moment Lola ran into one of the now opened stalls and locked herself in.  She wouldn't let me in for nothing!  The other stall opened up so Nicco walked in and started crying because there was still toilet paper in the toilet.  I don't understand the issue since he doesn't even sit to pee.  (a fact that I am totally jealous of)  SO I move him out of the way and flushed it for him.  Finally Nicco got done and opened the door.  By this point I am really needing to get in there.  He didn't want to wait for me outside the stall so I started using the facilities with him in the incredibly miniature stall with me.  He immediately started asking about my anatomy.  Awkward questions that I didn't want to answer!  The boy knows just enough to be able to ask those awkward questions that I feel need a full on sit down explanation.  No good.  The whole time I was sitting atop the toe-toe it was flushing.  What is up with the automatic toilets flushing when you are on them but not flushing after you stand up?!  I get finished and we try to open the door and we can't get it open without me straddling the crazy flushing toilet.  It took a few seconds but I finally shoved Nicco out of the stall and was able to extricate myself to the steady whoosh whoosh of the possessed toilet.  

I start knocking on Lola's stall and begging her to open the door.  She says "NO I peeing!"  Finally after I was considering bodily harm or kung fu-ing the door down she informs me that she is done and opens the door.  What I see when she opens up the door was not something I was expecting.  The girl was buck naked!  Like head to toe naked- as naked as she was the day she was born.  I get huge mommy points for my reaction peeps!  All I did was gather up her clothes and tell her that it isn't okay to get naked at the grocery store.  At that point I was beyond done!!  There wasn't a counter at the sinks so I had to pull the diaper changing table down and set her up there and start dressing her.  Of course she was wearing tights which are a freaking pain in the shorts to get on.  As I am getting them on her the diaper changing deal starts creaking and sloping under her weight.  So to save her cute little behind I grab her out of the air and have to pull up her tights with her in my arms- no easy feet I tell you!  We finish getting dressed and head over to the sinks.  Which were so hard to work that I almost didn't wash any hands.  I had to touch the little black spot to get them started.  Then wash and rinse as fast as possible because they turned off after about 5 seconds.  Repeat 3 times.  And for some reason the water starting made Nicco freak out!  It scared him real bad.  Mind you that we have used automatic sinks before.  This isn't our first rodeo!  After washing hands he runs over to the Xcelerator hand dryer and gets it going.  That thing is the MacDaddy of all hand dryer.  It blows air so fast that I have to stand behind the kids so they don't blow away.  He has used one before but guess what?  Yeah it scared him. I am raising a fraidy cat apparently.

We get done and come out of the restroom and my sister tells me that she heard me struggling but decided not to come in.  I think that at that point I would have been totally within my right to leave her there and make her hitch hike home!

Not a fun experience!  It did teach me a lesson- NEVER go grocery shopping with out the man fellow again!  One parent per child keeps things under control.     


  1. Awesome! I am happy to say I am NOT the sister leaving to your own devises in the bathroom, although I would have probably be laughing more there than I am right now. HAHAHAHA!! Love me some Nicco and Lola! Best Niece and nephew ever!

  2. You should tell the carls jr playland story next!! hehehe!